I Am Jack’s Raging Mommy

Ok, so that was wierd.

I’m not going away to that degree, I swear.  Just a glitch.

So…..

My car was recovered Friday night.   It was parked in a church parking lot about 8 blocks from my house.  Hardly any gas had been used, and the only damage was the removed ignition column.

They stole my Mp3 player, which I was expecting- but they also took Jack’s booster seat and his Teddy Bear.
Not kidding, bastards stole my son’s teddy bear.

I found a really nice set of prints on the front passenger window, so something may come of it, but I’m not holding my breath.

Mike and Bob were able to get a new ignition column installed, and until I can have a kill switch put in Bob showed me which fuse to pull and disable the starter.  No one is taking my car anywhere.

So I was pretty stunned but all in all it turned out really well.  Yay!

So remember how my car breaking down in the middle of all that crap was so hard on me?

Last night my car was stolen.

I long for the days of a bad fuel pump.

A Post to Say Goodbye (ish)

Well, Internet. It’s time we had a talk. I think we’ve both known this was coming for quite some time, but were unable to face the inevitable. I’m leaving you.*
It’s not you, Internet. It’s me. I’ve realized for a while now that I can’t put the time and energy into this site that I used to be able to. A lot of it is work, being a single mom now, what have you. But a lot of it is that this isn’t the place that I am right now. And that makes me sad, but there it is.

I will miss so many of you, and I will be around from time to time- I’m still reading the blogs in my sidebar even though I hardly ever comment. I’ll still be here in a way, and I’ll stop in for tea from time to time, but it’s time we moved on. I think we both know it’s for the best.

*that said, I am totally gonna be the ex who drunkenly calls you in the middle of the night for a booty call and who you get back together with and break up with a million times. Because I’m really not ready to let go. I’ll be lurking around- promise.

What is this internet that you speak of? (Boom De Yada!)

I really did intend to be all “I’m back bitches!” and post frequently back there at the beginning of the month. And then the car broke down, the AC had to be repaired, and multiple crappy things in my personal life happened all one after the other, and then I turned 30. So I didn’t feel much like posting. I had a lot to say mind you, just not much I could say in this setting.

But I wanted to share this with all of you, because it’s awesome.

I found it because of this, which is also awesome.

I was tempted to take the day off and spend it in bed

In the midst of the maelstrom of my life right now are falling some noteworthy events.

Tomorrow is my 30th birthday.  I’d been fairly confident that 30 wasn’t going to bother me unduly (and that I would not “Pull a Joey” as one of my friends put it) but the closer it’s gotten the more freaked out I’VE gotten.  Mostly the things that bother me everyday, just amplified.  Is this where I want to be at thirty?  Is this the person I want to be?  And the obligatory “Oh dear lord I’m turning thirty and I’m alone and what if I want to have kids and there’s no time to meet someone and have time together before kids and then I’ll be too old and I don’t want to have a baby when I’m 38 and would it be completely out of the question to do it on my own if I’m still single at 35″ and that train of thought that is completely irrelevant to what I actually want in my life right now, but seems to be ingrained in most women to go through anyway.

Also, I’ve been at my new job for five months today.  I was thinking back to that first day and week, and my fear of answering the phone because I wouldn’t know how to answer questions- and how now I get mad if the guys don’t let me answer the phone, and how I CAN answer a lot of questions for the customers, and even some for the guys.  Now, I’m still not a tech, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve learned so much it’s really amazing to me.  It is also pretty noteworthy that I’ve been here five months and haven’t thought about quitting and going elsewhere.  I still say it helps to have a boss you can yell at from time to time.

So yeah.  30.

This is going to be interesting.

No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air.

I have air conditioning!  It may just manage to salvage my day :)

Man,  you know what sucks?  I’ll tell you.

What sucks is having broken AC when it’s over 90 degrees outside.  And having windows in your house that don’t open properly and your landlord being fixated on going to this one specific AC guy who has not shown up for TWO WEEKS NOW AND GODALMIGHTY GET ANOTHER AC GUY.

I’m hot.

I still haven’t mastered the shame exercises though

Oh, Hi there!  Wow, I almost forgot you were there!  Which is a total lie, I’ve just been REALLY lazy and enjoying not trying to come up with things to say.  I’ve been going through some interesting processes since I moved up here to KC, and while some of it is definitely stuff I want to talk about, some of it wasn’t- not to mention the fears about what is “appropriate” to talk about here, and who might be reading it, and what offense they may take; offense intended or not.  So I felt stifled, and stuck, at a time where I needed to be talking about things.  And I’m not kidding you, the day after I announced my blog vacation my therapist suggested I start keeping a journal- not knowing about the blog at all.  So that’s what I’ve been doing- and I have loved it.  It’s been so nice to have this outlet that no one was going to read and I could just get all this out.

I think I am actually doing a lot better.  I’ve been working on making definite, positive changes in myself and my life, and it’s as if the more steps I take, the more momentum I gain and the easier it all starts to get, and the better I seem to get through each day.

Now, mind you, this is all overall.  At the moment my car is broken down and I have PMS and I’m just a LITTLE snippy, but I’m also not completely insane like I felt the last two months when I had PMS, so yeah, progress.  (I strongly suspect I have PMDD, but since the treatment is anti-depressants and I was always on them anyway I never really looked into an official diagnosis)

Therapy is going well, I really like my therapist and I like the methodology and techniques he uses.  He really believes in rational behavior therapy and taking active steps to work through your problems-  less of an emphasis on finding the cause of a problem, but rather focusing on how to fix it.  We’ve been working with some of my anxieties and I’m learning new ways to work through things and handle them without freaking out and hiding away from the world and my life.

Now, I don’t know that I’m completely back, certainly not every day back, but I wanted to say hi, and let you all know how things were going.  The break was great, but I missed you all a lot too.  I think this can be a good outlet for me, when I stop locking myself away from being honest.

But anyway, how have the last 6 weeks been for you internet?

Hiatus

I will be taking a break from I Am Jack’s Raging Mommy.  At this time I do not know how long it will be, but most likely at least a month.

I will still be online from time to time, and reading your blogs when I can, so I won’t completely have disappeared.  Please still email if you like, it’s not that I want to lose touch with anyone, I just need a break.

I promise I’ll be back one way or another, and that I won’t just drop off the face of the internet.

Love you guys.

I’d take it as a sign I am getting old that I fell asleep watching 3:10 to Yuma last night, except that it WAS 4 AM.

Maybe I’m just too old to stay up until 4 AM watching movies.  I can live with that.